Here is the real reason I started DiscoveringPurpose.Life, the all out, no holding back, honest-to-goodness-truth-and-nothing-but-the-truth.
Back in 2014 during a season of unemployment I contemplated ending my life.
Now let's rewind and I'll tell you the whole story...
Back-Story
I had recently quit my job thinking I had another one lined up. In fact, the place where I was hoping to work was where I had been working as an intern for a semester and I overheard the hiring manager speaking emphatically in his office one day on the phone, "The only qualified person is sitting right over there!" (My desk was just on the other side of the glass wall that separated us.) I participated in a panel interview and much to my dismay the rest of the team must have thought otherwise because the job was offered to someone else more qualified. In the meantime, I quit my job at a company where I had worked for 5 years. I was just about to graduate with my Master's degree and figured I could at least take a few months off and then easily find another management job... Boy was I wrong!
Identity For anyone who has been unemployed and on the hunt - I applaud you! It can be a wrestle of perseverance, landing interviews, getting rejected, and then attempting to give the impression of 100% confidence at the next interview. The rejection can feel overwhelming and sometimes crippling. It's like 7th grade all over again.
Anyway, for me it went even beyond this... It started to mess with my identity. In grade school, I was a straight-A student and was accepted into a very competitive undergraduate program affectionately called "The Ivy League of the South." My plans were to go to medical school, but wound up going on a detour into healthcare management, loved it and stayed. Regardless of my path, I continued to be a career-minded person. If you haven't figured it out by now, I am goal-oriented. Having a career helps me feel that I'm part of a larger effort (the organization I'm working for) and that I'm contributing to a greater cause.
Failure
When I kept getting rejected, it really played with my ego. I mean, it was such a let down to be invited to a second and third interview with the same company only for the position to be "closed" or offered to someone else. This happened multiple times with big-name organizations in the Houston area - the largest medical center in the world.
I began to feel my best days were behind me. By that time I was 27 and my brain was telling me that I was "old" and it was the next generation's turn to carry the torch. I felt like I was in a slump in every area of my life and just not contributing. I also felt like a burden because my decision to quit my job placed a burden on our household finances and even on others who knew about our situation. I've never been diagnosed with depression, but what I can say is the way I felt at that time was suffocating like bricks on my chest. I just wanted the darkness to lift. I started thinking about ending my life.
At that time, I shared with my husband about how I was feeling. He encouraged me to pray and ask God what my true purpose was. I'll admit, I really lacked the faith at that time that praying would really help anything!
I was so confused about what should do: Stay at home wife, professional Spanish-English interpreter or healthcare management?
Seeking
I intensely prayed for God to show me what plans he had for my life. I repented and asked for forgiveness for anything I was holding onto that was not part of his plan for me. I decided that day to totally surrender my plans to God and ask him to show me his way.
At that time I wish I could say I suddenly had a vision or a dream and had immediate clarity and felt better. That did NOT happen! I actually felt nearly nothing, but at least I did get a boost to go fill out more job applications.
The Response!
I remember one job application in particular. It asked, "What are your future career goals?" I decided to go big and outlandish. I said a "COO then a CEO". I figured they would probably laugh and reject my application. Months later I received a call from that company. I had forgotten I had applied! Long story short - I was hired! They even accepted my counter-offer for $20,000 more than I was making in my previous job.
My Life Now
I'll admit not every day is a bed of roses. There are still days when that emptiness and lack of purpose creeps up on me, but at least now it's familiar and I know what to do. When I feel this way, I know it's God's way of telling me He's about to give me a new challenge and it's up to ME to seek it out and do it! This entire online platform for example is the latest huge challenge God has given me the opportunity to do. Although I have every blessing imaginable (health, family, house, financial stability, education, ministry) I STILL felt like something was lacking. I began to have these big impossible dreams in my heart about doing something like this.
I went on a retreat with my family recently and I confessed my dreams out loud. When I did that, I realized the only person holding me back was MYSELF! My lifetime #1 worst critic! I had these dreams in my heart and would discourage myself "Don't do that - It'll be dumb!" and "There are already tons of songwriters, bloggers, and vloggers out there. The world doesn't need you." But that day I realized those thoughts ARE NOT TRUE! There's a message that is in my heart unique to me that the world needs to hear!
Today I'm gulping down the fear and making my dreams reality.
I'm discovering and activating my God-given purpose!
Will you join me? Let's start today!